Managing COVID-Related Stress: Tactics & Emotional Intelligence Training for Managers

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MP: Hello everyone and welcome to today’s webinar we’re going to give everyone a couple more seconds to jump on and then we’ll get started.

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MP: Alright, good afternoon, and thank you all for joining us today for managing code related stress tactics and emotional intelligence training for managers.

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MP: i’m Jackie PETRA salary of the marketing specialist here at MP.

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MP: For those of you joining us on a webinar for the first time and P, is a full service human capital management services company offering a suite of products and services.

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MP: Including HR payroll benefits administration time and attendance and compliance.

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MP: We support our clients with cutting edge technical solutions, as well as proactive reliable service and deep HR and payroll expertise.

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MP: And P is wired for HR and helps clients succeed by tying their operations to their business goals.

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MP: we’re so excited to be partnering with Stacey Mandeville from red leaf coaching today.

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MP: stacy’s philosophy is that 99.9% of all issues with soft skills in business, some from three primary challenges and ability to communicate with clarity, passion and authority.

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MP: deficiency of emotional intelligence in the context of business and want to forward thinking when it comes to using those two skills for influencing and persuasion.

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MP: stacy’s work highlights these elements in any session she develops and she favors action over top.

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MP: Her concrete soft skills methodology takes the theoretical philosophical touchy feely elements of soft skills and turns them into actionable tools, you can wrap your hands around.

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MP: Concrete soft skills as an engaging but no nonsense approach that helps you remember what you learned and walk away with an action plan for continuous growth, growth long after your coaching has ended.

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MP: And to introduce today’s presenters for stop Stacy Mandeville founder and communication skills coach at read the coaching.

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MP: Is a recovering performing artist using her theater training tsa and unique quirky perspective to help reduce workplace toxicity and help businesses thrive.

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MP: Part coach and partment motivational speaker and part mentor Stacey has coached businesses business executives.

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MP: across the globe, since 1999 and has had the pleasure of working with individuals and a myriad of industries all over the world through partnerships with various companies, including merc Pfizer General Electric and levi’s.

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MP: Next up amanda bridge is our HR generalist at Mt she currently provides HR support to small, medium and large sized businesses in a variety of industries, and it was previously.

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MP: Previously, in HR generalist for a 200 plus employee pediatric nonprofit organization.

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MP: If at all during the presentation, you would like to submit a question to either of our presenters please use the Q amp a feature at the bottom of your screen.

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MP: A recording of the webinar will be sent out later today, following the presentation, along with the slides and now on to our legal disclaimer.

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MP: This training is intended for educational and informational purposes only well, we hope that you will learn a lot today, we are not attorneys and the information should not be construed as legal advice and with that i’m going to hand the MIC off to Stacey to get started.

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Stacee Mandeville: Thank you so much Jackie I appreciate the eloquent introduction as she said, I am Stacey Mandeville and I am here to help you support your employees, through these very trying times.

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Stacee Mandeville: Now the situation we are all in right now is we are in an unprecedented state of fear anxiety and overwhelm and when you’re faced with employees that are experiencing this they’re going to respond differently than they would on a normal Tuesday in.

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Stacee Mandeville: Also, we have to keep in mind that as managers, we ourselves also might be experiencing fear anxiety and overwhelm.

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Stacee Mandeville: So we are going to talk today about using practical emotional intelligence to minimize and manage stressful situations and difficult conversations.

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Stacee Mandeville: get some more insight into the employee perspective and why they’re afraid and what gives them anxiety, so that we can support employee well being and ease everyone’s transition to hopefully our post coven world.

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Stacee Mandeville: So what is practical emotional intelligence and is there a roadmap, now, to be honest emotional intelligence is a week long retreat with meditation and.

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Stacee Mandeville: An end and trust falls, and we don’t have time for that i’m going to do my best to give you all of this training in 45 minutes So here we go.

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Stacee Mandeville: We have to first learn to identify emotional triggers, we need to develop coping mechanisms for ourselves and ways to defuse triggers in others.

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Stacee Mandeville: We need to get and stay logical and we need to care and prepare.

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Stacee Mandeville: and practical and emotional intelligence is a dandelion it’s a gift that keeps on giving the more you do it, the more you plant seeds of emotional intelligence, the better everyone’s relationships and productivity is going to be.

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Stacee Mandeville: Alright, so what are triggers emotional triggers.

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Stacee Mandeville: normal life we’re going along our business, we have interactions with people we respond and we get results usually good results.

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Stacee Mandeville: When I feel I am under attack, then my brain gets triggered, then I have a response, instead of a response, I have a reaction I lash out I bite.

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Stacee Mandeville: And there are repercussions for that kind of behavior, we need to begin to recognize when I feel under attack, and when I perceive other people are feeling like they’re under attack, so that I can make choices.

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Stacee Mandeville: So we’re going to have a little science lesson I am not a neuro physicist and.

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Stacee Mandeville: I don’t play one on TV either, so please forgive my my minimal knowledge, but what I can tell you is that we have a thinking brain, that is, the neocortex logical thinking.

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Stacee Mandeville: I want to punch the boss, but I will not because I should not and that’s not what we do here, then there’s the reptile brain the reptile brain is your spidey sense it’s responsible for gut reactions and all of the basic functions.

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Stacee Mandeville: So when we see something scary let’s say our ancestors our caveman ancestors they see a saber tooth tiger.

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Stacee Mandeville: It goes right into our amygdala, which is where we experience emotions and it shuts down the neocortex we do not need to think about this, we need to act.

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Stacee Mandeville: It activates the reptile brain which floods our body with adrenaline cortisol testosterone chemicals that help us have the energy to fight to run to live another day this was super helpful for our ancestors to have these responses.

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Stacee Mandeville: And when you when this is happening it’s called an amygdala hijack your thinking brain goes away if you’ve ever heard somebody say yeah I just lost my mind.

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Stacee Mandeville: They literally lost their mind it shuts off and and you don’t have any control now these chemicals are meant to be used.

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Stacee Mandeville: So you’re flooded with these chemicals you fight you use that energy you run you use that energy and all those chemicals go away and you can live your life these chemicals are pretty toxic we’re not meant to live under them for long.

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Stacee Mandeville: there’s a third stress response that is talked about less than that is freeze freeze is when it’s a deer in the headlights almost like going into shock you play.

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Stacee Mandeville: Your your pulse goes down you you completely become numb Now this is for two reasons, one predators normally don’t like dead prey so they might leave you alone.

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Stacee Mandeville: which would be good, and if they do decide to eat you if you’re numb it doesn’t hurt as much, so this is our body protecting us when you go into freeze.

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Stacee Mandeville: You still have to release those chemicals, but you’re playing dead what happens is when the predator goes away you wake up and you jump and you scream and you.

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Stacee Mandeville: And you release those toxic chemicals.

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Stacee Mandeville: I know this to be true i’ve experienced it, I was in a car with some people and somehow I don’t know how we ended up on the wrong side of the highway.

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Stacee Mandeville: And when we found the traffic, there was a phalanx of cars approaching us at 80 miles an hour and everyone in the car.

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Stacee Mandeville: For us, not us out, and I remember things being completely.

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Stacee Mandeville: And thinking well we’re going to get creamed I wonder if it’s going to hurt Luckily, the driver did not go into freeze did a marvelous job Peter and got us to the shoulder where we all sat in complete stillness.

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Stacee Mandeville: And then, all of a sudden, everyone in the car started jumping up down and screaming and freaking out this is freeze in action in a healthy way we’re protected if we get creamed it won’t hurt.

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Stacee Mandeville: And now we release the problem is a little stress is good it protects us constant stress not so good.

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Stacee Mandeville: When we live under constant chemicals, and we have not evolved every little threat every perceived threat we go through this response.

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Stacee Mandeville: and your boss yells at you, you don’t you can’t puncher you can’t run away so we freeze and your spouse yells at you and we freeze your child gets called in for a conference at school, we freeze and we stay here.

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Stacee Mandeville: Why does this science lesson matter It matters because, knowing that being in a state of freeze equals unused adrenaline which equals a constantly triggered state.

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Stacee Mandeville: Knowing that creates empathy that awareness lets us know that that guy’s not just a jerk maybe he’s triggered maybe she’s got stuff going on.

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Stacee Mandeville: Now I can begin to think in their shoes and not just blame so we’re going to talk about what triggers us and how do we know and how do we cope and flip it to the other side as well, how do we deal when other people are triggered.

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Stacee Mandeville: So awareness you first.

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Stacee Mandeville: It starts with you you’re the manager, you have to know, am I triggered Why am I triggered How does it manifest and to begin to keep track.

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Stacee Mandeville: i’m not a fan of journaling but not a bad idea to kind of begin to make a list of things that make you full of rage, whether they’re irrationally rational or actually rational things things that make me sad fearful begin to keep track.

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Stacee Mandeville: And how do you know Stacy i’m fine i’m never i’m never triggered i’m dealing with coven fine i’m i’m tough i’m strong hmm maybe, but the body doesn’t lie.

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Stacee Mandeville: If you think you might be triggered do a physical check, am I staring Am I not blinking is my jaw clenched do it or do I butterflies in my stomach or my hips locked Am I breathing.

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Stacee Mandeville: I don’t know listen to your body it’s in all of the literature, you know my hair stood on end, you know flames were coming out of my neck listen to your body.

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Stacee Mandeville: When you’re dealing with other people, you can look at their body language lack of eye contact can be one.

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Stacee Mandeville: dead stillness can be one fidgeting a lot watch people if they’re sitting like this, all the time just notice these things mentally and emotionally, you may know, some people who are kind of over shares or people who spent too much that’s a sign of a trigger.

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Stacee Mandeville: People who are usually productive and they’re no longer productive lack of focus lack of memory.

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Stacee Mandeville: lashing out hiding avoiding ghosting, these are all potential signals that something is going on and we just want to open our mindset is this easy to do know, we would do role plays and practice this but we’ve only got 45 minutes so just begin to be aware.

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Stacee Mandeville: So.

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Stacee Mandeville: Most of us have some kind of coping mechanisms when you’re feeling stressed you’re like yeah I gotta go to the gym and like pump some iron and run around the block or I put on some music that calms me some people meditate and.

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Stacee Mandeville: there’s all I call my girlfriends and vent over a glass of wine and there’s all kinds of ways that we can release this adrenaline when we’re feeling triggered once you know you’re triggered.

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Stacee Mandeville: One of the easiest fastest ways to shift energy that you can do even in the middle of a meeting.

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Stacee Mandeville: Is brief 4 billion people who do yoga can be wrong breathing calms you down and again this is science when you take deep cleansing breaths.

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Stacee Mandeville: You are massaging the Vegas nerve that runs from the top of your your I believe that’s the basal ganglia i’m not hundred percent sure, but the base of your skull all the way down to your guts.

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Stacee Mandeville: And when you breathe slowly and deliberately you calm that down there’s a thing called box breathing we don’t have time to do a demonstration of it, but it would be four breaths four counts inhale.

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Stacee Mandeville: Four counts hold your breath four counts exhale four counts hold the exhale you do five or six of these at a time when someone is aggravating you in a meeting and you begin to short circuit that amygdala hijack you put yourself in your body, so you can experiment with box breathing.

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Stacee Mandeville: Okay next step, we want to get logical, we know there’s a trigger we’ve calmed ourselves down, now we need to engage the neocortex in a deliberate way, we have to flip that switch back on.

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Stacee Mandeville: So i’m recommending that you create what i’m calling pad pending a situation mind map to help you care and prepare.

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Stacee Mandeville: So you start from your own point of view, because that’s what you know best what is the issue that we’re dealing with what’s the issue on the table i’m preparing to call an employee what’s the issue.

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Stacee Mandeville: Keep it neutral you didn’t get the things in on time and because of you, the clients mad and, what is your problem, and what versus ah on August 5 2020 this project came in late, which caused the client to do X y&z neutral resisting the urge to blame.

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Stacee Mandeville: Then, what do I want and why I want them to come back to work, why, why does it matter, why is that important write it down.

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Stacee Mandeville: Am I trigger what’s triggering me today did my kids aggravate me, you know didn’t did my husband burn the toast I did I get really bad news from someone like actual bad news.

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Stacee Mandeville: Do I have to manage that, before I get on the phone or on the zoom go through and i’ve just made these up there’s other things that you will find pertinent to your situations and your employees, but go through why you’re there, why are you talking to them.

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Stacee Mandeville: And then switch hats walk a mile in their shoes from their point of view, what is the issue.

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Stacee Mandeville: How do they perceive you do you have a relationship, or is it already kind of contentious and what is their listening style you know if you’re a you know, an.

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Stacee Mandeville: aggressive assertive type of personality and they’re super quiet and shy, you might need to make some adjustments so that you can meet them where they are.

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Stacee Mandeville: What questions can I answer for them, maybe they’re confused, how can I help them understand your hat their hat right a mind map down or a list.

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Stacee Mandeville: have this before your meeting so you can refer back to it it’s kind of an audience profile, the more you know about them and the more you can use your imagination and guess at what they might be experiencing the more prepared, you are to meet them with emotional intelligence and empathy.

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Stacee Mandeville: So the last step is to care and prepare you’ve got your mind map now i’m about to get on the call the call is in 10 minutes.

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Stacee Mandeville: i’m going to do, five rounds of box breathing i’m going to check my triggers and my triggered what’s going on.

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Stacee Mandeville: gonna listen to some music a little dance party whatever gets me in the mood to be empathetic i’m going to use my mind map.

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Stacee Mandeville: i’m going to choose a time that works if I am highly triggered and I have a call I may call and say hey Would you mind if we reschedule this right i’m going to pick timing that works.

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Stacee Mandeville: i’m going to make space.

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Stacee Mandeville: What makes space we’ve got 10,000 tabs open on the computer and then the zoom is here, and then I got four glasses of water, because I haven’t had time to change up my desk and I got my lip look.

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Stacee Mandeville: get everything off your desk Is that what you need close all your tabs be prepared to really focus on that individual.

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Stacee Mandeville: So there’s no distractions turn off your phone all that get your dog out of here all the things that make it helpful when we’re able to meet in real life again making space also can mean choosing a space.

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Stacee Mandeville: come into my office that strikes terror into the heart of pretty much everyone versus.

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Stacee Mandeville: hey i’d like to chat with you let’s have a walking meeting let’s get a cup of coffee right where can you make a safe physical space to have a difficult conversation.

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Stacee Mandeville: As I said before, stay neutral and fact based resist the urge to blame do your best to keep it neutral assume good intentions, most people are not trying to do badly or irritate you most of them.

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Stacee Mandeville: And aba always be asking never assume in your mind map writing down questions, how can have what caused the problem, how can I support you what could have prevented this from happening, what could help you be comfortable coming back to work.

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Stacee Mandeville: and listen lpr listen pause and breathe, if you have to and then respond we don’t want to be reacting to people that are saying reacting to what people are saying and interrupting them.

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Stacee Mandeville: care and prepare Is this a lot of extra work uh huh.

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Stacee Mandeville: Is it worth it, oh yeah.

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Stacee Mandeville: Okay, so.

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Stacee Mandeville: We have briefly blown through learning to identify triggers with a little bit of a science lesson.

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Stacee Mandeville: develop your coping methods, whatever works for you particularly practicing box breathing we want to get logical use the neocortex engage it by by.

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Stacee Mandeville: Being fact based and asking questions and care and prepare you have your mind map, you have your setting you have prepared yourself to deal with this other individual who might be triggered and you’ve learned to identify if they might be triggered a little bit as well.

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Stacee Mandeville: Okay, so.

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Stacee Mandeville: Oh i’m good i’m just a little bit under time for 30 minutes, which is good, it gives us more time for practical stuff so that is emotional intelligence practical emotional intelligence, in a nutshell.

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Stacee Mandeville: The final piece of the puzzle is empathetic messaging you can know all of that stuff and still put people on the defensive, by the way you present an idea or a message to them so.

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Stacee Mandeville: If amanda is ready amanda.

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Stacee Mandeville: ready alright, we are going to do at least one maybe two probably one real world scenario examples of using empathetic messaging i’m going to walk all of you, through a plug and play format.

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Stacee Mandeville: That you can use for pretty much any conversation side note, you can also use them for presentations and starting meetings, this is a little format that is magic.

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Stacee Mandeville: So the number one problem with all human communication that I have seen and i’ve been doing this for since 1999 The biggest problem is the personal pronoun I.

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Stacee Mandeville: I need you to come back to work, I don’t think that you’ve been doing well, working from home I think you’ve been you’ve been messing around and playing angry birds I I you are annoying me I need to move on with my work versus having a you mentality.

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Stacee Mandeville: I want you to come back to work, but how does that benefit you.

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Stacee Mandeville: How can I help you and your audience mind map is knowledge knowledge equals empathy so keeping in mind we’re going to take what I want out of the equation and think of how it helps you.

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Stacee Mandeville: All right, so amanda can you, I know there were up five different scenarios that we thought about using which one did you decide on.

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Bridge Amanda: Would you like me to read it.

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Stacee Mandeville: You can read it, or you can just stated in your own words.

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Bridge Amanda: Okay, so um there’s an employee named Jackie and she doesn’t feel comfortable returning back to work, because she lives with her uncle Tom and he has some underlying medical conditions and is also immunocompromised.

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Bridge Amanda: She also has two kids and it’s kind of concerned about childcare and what the world is going to look like when she does return.

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Stacee Mandeville: mm hmm okay that sounds like a really complicated and very common situation.

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Stacee Mandeville: Absolutely, so now, what is it that you would like this is the step one What would you like Jackie to say yes to what are you going to present to her what would you like to talk about in this difficult conversation.

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Bridge Amanda: Well, we were thinking about returning to work and having people who were previously working remotely come back into the office, and so you know looking for her to say yes to returning to work in the office.

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Stacee Mandeville: Okay fantastic now now please note we’re writing if you were doing this at home you’re writing one short sentence it’s not a dissertation what do I want them to say yes to great.

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Bridge Amanda: return to work.

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Stacee Mandeville: Fantastic now what step two, how does it benefit.

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Stacee Mandeville: Jackie to come back to work, what is she missing by working at home.

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Bridge Amanda: And while I was going to lead with free lunch Wednesday so i’m not sure if that’s too much of an attractor or not, but i’m also the team environment and really having that collaborative workspace that is really hard to do over the computer.

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Stacee Mandeville: Now i’m going to i’m going to poke a little bit on this stuff because that’s my job.

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Stacee Mandeville: free lunch Wednesday is a funny thing that you could add in if you have a relationship with her with with Jackie that’s part of your mind map, can you say and free lunch on Wednesdays, you know.

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Stacee Mandeville: Is a team environment and collaborative work environment relevant to Jackie does she care about that.

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Bridge Amanda: she’s a pretty social person, so I think that that would be something that she values and has also mentioned that she misses well she’s been working remotely.

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Stacee Mandeville: mm hmm perfect I love see now we’re getting into a human being she’s mentioned missing it Oh, now that that’s ammunition I love that and.

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Stacee Mandeville: it’s is there anything else that she’s missing, I mean you said she has kids and uncle time is it easy to work from home is it calm can she focus or.

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Bridge Amanda: yeah so um you know I think it’s more convenient to work from home for her by you know i’m sure that there’s the daily distractions but you know the convenience of being able to step away for a minute and handle a situation at home.

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Bridge Amanda: is important but yes i’m sure there’s definitely distractions okay.

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Stacee Mandeville: Have you experienced any of distractions or kids under control.

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Bridge Amanda: other kind of wild.

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Stacee Mandeville: Now.

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Stacee Mandeville: Good so let’s Now you can dig as deep into the benefits for an individual, as you want some individuals that might be really hard to find the benefit, but there’s gotta be some carrot also is there any possibility that people are going to be laid off if they refuse to come back.

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Bridge Amanda: yeah it’s really going to become a requirement, so the company is starting off by you know kind of easing people back into work, but then there are going to have a hard date of where people have to start coming into the office on a regular basis on August 1.

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Okay, great.

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Stacee Mandeville: Good good good so.

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Stacee Mandeville: We have these benefits that we’ve listed, what is the, what do you perceive the most important to be for Jackie free lunch wednesday’s.

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Stacee Mandeville: team and.

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Stacee Mandeville: team environment collaborative work environment it’s social or the lack of distraction in a workplace.

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Bridge Amanda: probably a combination of the collaborative team environment and distraction free space to work.

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Stacee Mandeville: What do we get if we have a distraction free place to work in collaboration How does that benefit her work.

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Bridge Amanda: it’s probably less stressful and adds to more productivity throughout the day.

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Stacee Mandeville: What does what does she get if she’s more productive.

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Bridge Amanda: it’s a good question, maybe incentive plan or.

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Bridge Amanda: not sure.

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Stacee Mandeville: Okay, so let’s some just for the sake of this particular role play i’m going to say that there’s.

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Stacee Mandeville: there’s something when when she’s more productive there’s incentives there’s bonuses and stuff.

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Bridge Amanda: Okay sounds.

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Stacee Mandeville: Real does that happen.

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Bridge Amanda: yeah absolutely where she have you know, the ability to get a great performance review because she’s hitting her metrics.

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Stacee Mandeville: mm hmm that I love that’s the language i’m looking for metrics yes okay and and what is the problem or situation that is causing us to have this conversation.

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Bridge Amanda: That they were requiring employees to return to work on August 1 and you know she has some doubt about returning for a couple of different issues, because of.

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Bridge Amanda: Her kids childcare, but also that her uncle that she lives with um you know she could also bring home something to him that could cause some stress on her and i’m sure okay.

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Stacee Mandeville: So now i’m going to adjust the yes, the idea portion of the conversation, so you don’t want to just get on the phone and say I need you to say yes to coming back to work is this a conversation to alleviate her fears about coming back to work, make her comfortable.

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Stacee Mandeville: What you’re going to want her to say yes to the fact that your protocols are safe.

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Bridge Amanda: Absolutely, yes, said that you know what we’re putting in place to mitigate any kind of risk good.

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Stacee Mandeville: All right now, this is complicated because we’re dealing with a human being, but having this structure makes it simple simple URL so.

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Stacee Mandeville: When we brainstorm, this is the order first, we think of the idea, the thing we want them to say yes to the discussion we’re having.

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Stacee Mandeville: Then we think of all the benefits to that person why because it puts us in an empathetic psychological space a helpful space.

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Stacee Mandeville: Then we write down the hook statement, which is the number one benefit it gets us even more excited yeah we’re really i’m really going to help Jackie i’m not forcing her to come back to work i’m helping and then we say the problem, because you need to know the pain point.

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Stacee Mandeville: When we call up Jackie or get on the zoom we deliver it in this order hook, the number one benefit then state the problem, the big hairy thing we know it’s in the room.

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Stacee Mandeville: Then we say the idea that we have that is going to help them receive all these benefits, so in this case i’m going to say it, because i’ve done it before and then.

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Stacee Mandeville: Once i’ve said it i’d like you to be listening amanda and if you can adjust my language and make it more HR appropriate and i’d like you to spit it back to me in your own words you ready, yes, you can take notes.

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Stacee Mandeville: Okay, so um hi Jackie how you how you doing how’s your all has uncle Tom but what black great.

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Stacee Mandeville: Today I would like to talk to you about one way that we can help you really increase your performance metrics and start getting more bonuses and stuff.

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Stacee Mandeville: Now the situation that we’re in is that our company is going to require employees to come back into the workplace August 1.

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Stacee Mandeville: And I know that you have some concerns and you’re not the only one honestly other people feel this way to of bringing home coven.

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Stacee Mandeville: to your family, which is a huge concern for you, so today, I would like to talk to you about.

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Stacee Mandeville: All of the things that we have in place to make sure that the workplace is safe and sanitary I want to answer any questions that you have so that you can feel comfortable moving back into the workplace.

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Stacee Mandeville: By August 1 and once you’re back in the workplace, you can go back into that team environment and that collaborative space that I know you love as a social social individual.

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Stacee Mandeville: And you know that, working with a team helps you increase your metrics increase your productivity hit those bonuses and, of course, we all have free lunch Wednesdays so Jackie, what is your first question i’m here for you, what are your concerns about our coven protocols.

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Bridge Amanda: etc, so if i’m supposed to speak on an HR way for you to say that I think you did it very well on I think you must some training somewhere in there um you, you asked all the right questions and meet all the rates demons so that was perfect.

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Stacee Mandeville: Thank you amanda, and that is that’s my emotional intelligence training at work i’m listening i’m using my imagination to put myself in that individual shoes.

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Stacee Mandeville: So do you want to speak it back to me just so they can so that the audience can hear it in a different way, not by a fake professional but a real professional.

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Bridge Amanda: I think you did it very well okay.

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Stacee Mandeville: Then we don’t have to do that um how much time do we have.

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Stacee Mandeville: To 134.

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MP: So I think you probably have time to go through another scenario to.

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Stacee Mandeville: If you’d like perfect I love it okay.

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Stacee Mandeville: Sorry, before we move on i’m in the audience, are there any questions about this process that I can answer for you, while we do a second version, because if it isn’t clear please ask me questions I love questions.

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Bridge Amanda: Absolutely I don’t see any in the in the queue right now but i’m sure Danny come in, we will certainly circle back to those and give.

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Bridge Amanda: Someone a.

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Bridge Amanda: chance to submit any in the meantime.

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Stacee Mandeville: And tactic, ladies and gentlemen, in the audience.

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Stacee Mandeville: If something comes up in the middle of us working through this this scenario, please ask, as they come up, I do not mind interruptions I enjoy collaboration and I want to answer your questions okay.

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Stacee Mandeville: And then, what is our next scenario.

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Bridge Amanda: So amy is objecting to returning to the office and she’s seriously saying I don’t understand why you need me to come in i’ve been just as productive working from home and I performing.

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Stacee Mandeville: mm hmm Okay, so this one is going to require a little bit of a deeper dive into amy’s.

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Stacee Mandeville: track if you will yeah so because we’re not going to take amy’s word for it are we.

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Stacee Mandeville: So again, what is, what do you want her to say yes to what is the idea, what is the conversation going to be around.

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Bridge Amanda: So similar similarly on basically she’s going to have to return back to work by August 1.

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Bridge Amanda: And that’s going to be a requirement of her position, and so we were able to switch gears and allow her to work from home during the pandemic.

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Bridge Amanda: But now it’s going to be a requirement of the position to return back to work by August 1 also and and you know her productivity has been.

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Bridge Amanda: it’s been a right, but you know we given the circumstances we’ve been busier and so you know, we have been asking more from employees and you know she’s she’s doing a great job, but I could definitely see room for improvement.

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mm hmm.

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Stacee Mandeville: OK so again, the idea is we’re returning back to work August 1, and that is a requirement of the position we may add to that and flush it out as we make discoveries about the benefits for for amy.

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Stacee Mandeville: Again, is it similar, how does it benefit amy to come back to work if she’s crushing it from home.

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Bridge Amanda: So the other thing is our office hours are usually eight to four.

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Bridge Amanda: and on you know she kind of she kind of starts off at like nine 930 in the morning.

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Bridge Amanda: You know answers an email here and there, but you can see that her productivity is kind of gone down, and you know, sometimes she does work a little bit leader but.

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Stacee Mandeville: Okay, and you have in a in a real situation, you would have data that backs that up factual.

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Bridge Amanda: Absolutely, yes, good, of course.

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Stacee Mandeville: Of course you do.

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Stacee Mandeville: So, how does it benefit me to come back to work being more productive.

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Bridge Amanda: more productive on and some of the tools that we use in our company.

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Bridge Amanda: aren’t necessarily available to her when she’s working remotely so it spend time kind of challenging switching some gears and you know she’d have those tools available to her, she returned to the office.

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Bridge Amanda: That potentially with her about productivity.

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Stacee Mandeville: Okay um so when she is more productive, what does she get how she’d been getting away with it.

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Bridge Amanda: Well, she does she does just enough to get by, but I could definitely see the potential for her to to do more as well.

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mm hmm.

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Stacee Mandeville: What if I don’t want to do more.

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Stacee Mandeville: What if i’m happy Is there something else that can motivate me as amy.

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Stacee Mandeville: Now i’m asking you to invent something out of out of out of whole cloth.

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Stacee Mandeville: yeah So do you need help.

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Stacee Mandeville: yeah okay.

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Stacee Mandeville: I I did a lot of improv training as an actor, so this is my wheelhouse and so, for example, if you know I want you to be more productive, because i’m the boss.

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Stacee Mandeville: You want to be productive because you want to move your career forward, do you want to be in.

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Stacee Mandeville: And forever Maybe she does, and some people do some people are okay with that and that’s a different challenge and if.

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Stacee Mandeville: If it’s an organization, where they need to keep moving up and scaling up and up leveling they might not be a good job and that’s a whole that’s outside of what we’re talking about today.

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Bridge Amanda: And I think that’s a really good point Stacey because not everyone is.

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Bridge Amanda: You know, as motivated, I think, as some of our employees and that’s honestly, a lot of the struggles that some employers deal with is that you know, not one size fits all and so.

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Bridge Amanda: You know, yes, I would say, you know tying it to a performance review and you know kind of comparing it to her co workers to see really where she is in her position is she completing the tasks, you know and and is she going to get an annual pain Greece also.

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Stacee Mandeville: That we all love that.

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Stacee Mandeville: Now, not everyone’s motivated by money I just taught a really fun class in delegation and the whole point of it was not i’m trying to delegate to get things off my plate as a manager.

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Stacee Mandeville: i’m delegating again I versus you to help you grow your career so discovering what motivates the unmotivated, why are they unmotivated is it that they’re not giving enough challenges, and you know what you, you can get into that headspace.

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Stacee Mandeville: So that’s a whole nother.

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Stacee Mandeville: But we can do another one of these in six months and we’ll do that.

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Bridge Amanda: But sounds great.

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Stacee Mandeville: But for now i’m loving performance review and pay increase.

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Stacee Mandeville: Right so for the sake of an exercise we’re going to do that and we’re going to use that as the number one benefit, and then the problem we’re facing is she just doesn’t want to come back to work.

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Bridge Amanda: yeah that she really prefers working from home, and you know I don’t think we’ve gotten a deep dive into the reasoning, why it is convenient or if there’s any other.

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Bridge Amanda: underlying problems going on, that is causing her to really prefer it um you know she could also just be one of those employees that you know works works better independently and as and as collaborative as Jackie.

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Stacee Mandeville: Okay, so this time because it’s going to be perfect every time if I do it.

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Stacee Mandeville: And it’s a better learning experience, if you go through it.

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Stacee Mandeville: And you write down just in one sentence write down what you want her to say yes to what’s the idea, what do you want to talk about.

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Bridge Amanda: Returning to work.

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Bridge Amanda: In person mm hmm.

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Now.

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Stacee Mandeville: Is there a deeper conversation we’re not just going to say you’re going to help her.

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Stacee Mandeville: So you want her to say yes, by helping her understand why it’s worthwhile well by answering any questions she has, for example, does that make sense, yes mm hmm.

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Stacee Mandeville: And what is the problem.

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Bridge Amanda: The problem is that um she she’s been just as productive working from home.

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Stacee Mandeville: It has she, though.

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Bridge Amanda: She has not now.

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Stacee Mandeville: Okay we’ve seen a decrease in productivity.

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Stacee Mandeville: which we will go over.

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Stacee Mandeville: And the hook statement is the annual review.

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Stacee Mandeville: Pay increase.

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Bridge Amanda: tied to the annual review yes okay.

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Stacee Mandeville: Productivity pay increase and easier working because she has the tools.

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Stacee Mandeville: Okay, so.

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Stacee Mandeville: So you get on the call and you say hi amy I want to help you do what.

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Bridge Amanda: amy I want to help you on.

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Bridge Amanda: achieve a pay increase during your annual performance review by hitting your metrics that are required of your position, and you are also able to work.

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Bridge Amanda: you’ll have an easier time at work, because we have the tools available to you to perform your job.

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Stacee Mandeville: Perfect now, this is why I wanted you to do it when we most everything kind of together, but it gets mushy one sentence, you had it and then you added to it hi amy, I would like to help you.

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Stacee Mandeville: get your and get an annual pay raise at your annual review.

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that’s it.

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Stacee Mandeville: Then new sentence, because you want to be super clear nuisance.

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Stacee Mandeville: Now the situation that we’re in is that I hear you prefer working from home, but everyone is going to be required to come back to work August 1.

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Stacee Mandeville: period perfect so today, I called you so that we can talk about some of the reasons why you want to work from home why it’s more convenient for you.

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Stacee Mandeville: What are your concerns coming back to work so that I can do my best to make you comfortable and prepared to come back to work August 1.

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Stacee Mandeville: And you know new sentence, when you come back to work, all the tools that you didn’t have will be there you’ll be more productive you’ll have the camaraderie of your colleagues and you’ll be more likely to be able to increase your productivity.

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Bridge Amanda: that’s truly wonderful Stacey I think that’s a really great way of laying it out and.

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Bridge Amanda: You know, really having that conversation that could be something very difficult, turning it into something that is.

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Bridge Amanda: digestible for them.

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Stacee Mandeville: It doesn’t put them on the defensive they still may be thinking I don’t want to come back to work, I disagree, but they’re not triggered.

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Bridge Amanda: I guess in that situation if I could throw it back on you and you know have her they will.

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Bridge Amanda: You know my my performance and my productivity is absolutely fine I you know i’ve done everything that you’ve asked i’ve met my deadlines, you know how do you really come back and you know not be defensive to a remark like that.

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Stacee Mandeville: brief pause.

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Stacee Mandeville: In my bio it says, you know my philosophy is there are three things that are that are a problem with all communication and coaching one is your baseline presentation skills, if you practice and cultivate deliberate pausing.

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Stacee Mandeville: Not just when you have to think of a thought I am pausing because.

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Stacee Mandeville: When someone attacks you, you have that.

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Stacee Mandeville: Well, so you have a moment once you’re able to take a breath and they get practice doing that it doesn’t just happen and.

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Stacee Mandeville: always be asking a BA and listening and responding so and repeat, so I understand that in your perception.

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Stacee Mandeville: You feel like your productivity hasn’t suffered, what are you basing that on amy i’ve got my pen can you give me some benchmarks as.

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Stacee Mandeville: find out why you don’t fight a blame with a blame you come back and then because you’ve cared and prepared, you have a very neutral assessment.

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Stacee Mandeville: so that you can come back with I completely understand how these things were successful, however, when I look at your file i’ve see that.

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Stacee Mandeville: On this date this happened, and this date, this was lost and that you’ve been logging in at 930 and can you do you want to unpack for me why this process, why this particular thing was late or you know.

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Stacee Mandeville: What it’s company policy that you’d be in at eight o’clock and you’re coming in at 930 regardless of whether or not you’re productive.

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Stacee Mandeville: it’s company policy, so you know and just having this conversation.

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Bridge Amanda: perfect and to speak on things from an HR perspective, I really think that’s why documentation is very important for employers.

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Bridge Amanda: Being track of these things over the course of you know each month, or you know, having those employee employer check ins where you’re speaking with a manager to follow up on.

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Bridge Amanda: Where you’re at and what needs to be improved on, and that tracks, so that when you do have to have these difficult conversations and in this particular situation that you are prepared to speak to those issues.

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Stacee Mandeville: Exactly and not in a defensive way in a factual way.

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Bridge Amanda: And i’m right we.

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Bridge Amanda: Actually CC do have a question that came in and I was wondering if we speak to this.

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Stacee Mandeville: Absolutely.

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Bridge Amanda: So someone did ask earlier, do you have any emotional intelligence training that we can take or purchase, to be able to train us and our managers and then, I have a question related to what we’re been speaking on so I don’t know if you want to talk to the first one for quickly sure.

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Stacee Mandeville: I do offer training this course becomes an expanded piece, with more information and what I do for emotional intelligence is I budget.

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Stacee Mandeville: A budget supporting I bring in a role play coach and this individual comes in, and she is an actress and she also has actors who work with her if we need multiple ones, if it’s a large group.

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Stacee Mandeville: And we role play, and they will she will take on any character, you can say, I have a cantankerous defensive, you know aggressive assertive.

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Stacee Mandeville: Baby Boomer who’s on his way to retirement he doesn’t listen anything I say she just puts that right on and she’s that guy.

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Stacee Mandeville: And then you get to fight with that guy or hopefully not fight with that guy and test out these theories and then we do coaching around it.

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Stacee Mandeville: The group will sometimes chime in and they can say freeze.

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Stacee Mandeville: Go back give them a lifeline what should you Jackie, this is what you should say instead of this Okay, we want try it this way, so you get it into your muscle memory pausing thinking breathing asking questions.

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Stacee Mandeville: getting away from attacking and that I mentality, because it has to be practiced and I can do, half day full day week long retreats with yoga and meditation depending on your budget.

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Bridge Amanda: hey Thank you so much that sounds wonderful so we actually have a couple of questions on.

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Bridge Amanda: So it says that it seems to be implied that these employers, employees are unable to achieve their bonus or metrics when they’re working from home is that really the case so that’s part of the question and so.

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Bridge Amanda: You know I think if we were to change that scenario off a little bit, and you have a perfect employee that is really, really doing well at their job and excelling working from home, however they’re changing.

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Bridge Amanda: The requirements of the position and making it so that it’s mandatory to come into the office you know, and you don’t have that quantitative and you know data to back up that their performance slept How would you handle that.

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Stacee Mandeville: So how do you handle the perfect employee that is meeting all of their all of their criteria and deadlines, and now keep in mind.

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Stacee Mandeville: I am not an HR professional and I do not play one on TV, there are myriad scenarios.

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Stacee Mandeville: That you will come across and you will know better than I, how to handle those I will pick the low hanging fruit for a coaching session because it’s what I can grasp so know that it’s my cheat and my thoughts when it comes to this is.

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Stacee Mandeville: it’s not a negotiation so regardless of whether or not you want to work from home.

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Stacee Mandeville: This is what’s happening and there’s a nifty little trick called feel felt found.

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Stacee Mandeville: where you can say.

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Stacee Mandeville: amy I understand how you feel it is more convenient working from home, you can step away to deal with your kids you don’t have the commute, I feel that way other people have felt that way, I wish you were the only one.

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Stacee Mandeville: But what we found is that when we all come together in the workplace, there is a team collaborative magic that happens that that we lose quite frankly and.

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Stacee Mandeville: In the interest of the company, the bigger bosses have decided that it’s mandatory to come back i’m terribly sorry that you are not behind it, what can I do to make it easier for you okay.

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Bridge Amanda: That sounds great, and you know someone actually or spoke or asked a question or statement, based on what you’re saying, and you know they say that the answer really is simple and that if you want to continue to work with us, you do need to return to the office.

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Stacee Mandeville: correct, and that is that is a last ditch phrase it depending on how its said, you know you know you did, if you want to keep working here you got to come back it’s a fact.

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Stacee Mandeville: But saying it in such a way that you know we we really value your contribution and we want you to come back.

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Stacee Mandeville: Because, everyone is coming back and unfortunately people that elect to not come back are going to be let go and we are hoping that you will make the decision to return is different than.

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Stacee Mandeville: What right.

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Bridge Amanda: yeah.

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Stacee Mandeville: And then, if you but, but this is all it’s a piece of clay, if you have somebody who is super aggressive with you, who is not hitting their targets and who is kind of dead weight.

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Stacee Mandeville: That you might say that or, if you have somebody, that is, if we did the disc styles, which is something else we do in the full program somebody who is a dominant type they’re very cut and dry say okay Paul, the reality is people that don’t come back are going to be let go.

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Stacee Mandeville: Sorry.

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Stacee Mandeville: yeah, how can I help.

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Bridge Amanda: So.

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Bridge Amanda: I just want to bring up one important point that you know we talked about.

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Bridge Amanda: Employees having relatives that have some sort of condition that could you know really cause for concern, as being something home in the risk with that there’s ever an employee that has a particular health concern.

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Bridge Amanda: You know, we.

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Bridge Amanda: want to, we want to have that interactive process with them about returning back to the office on.

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Bridge Amanda: You know, even if it is a requirement we don’t want to have that you know kind of conversation where it’s you know the reality is everyone’s coming back, and if you want to come back.

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Bridge Amanda: it’s really important to dig deeper into the reasonings and the concerns that that employee has if they have any other medical conditions or if they brought any concerns to you.

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Bridge Amanda: To kind of do that interactive Ada process is going to be really important.

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Bridge Amanda: If it brings that concerns to you.

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Bridge Amanda: And you know kind of handle each situation differently, I think yeah.

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Stacee Mandeville: And I, as I said before, and i’ll say it forever and ever is this extra work for you, yes, yes it is.

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Stacee Mandeville: But it’s worth it, because when employees come back and they’re angry or fearful or triggered constantly and their amygdala hijack they’re not going to be productive.

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Stacee Mandeville: they’re going to be more infighting more hostility people who are client facing are going to have problems, people are going to be late.

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Stacee Mandeville: It causes a whole series of problems, and this emotionally intelligent process is a dandelion it’s a gift that keeps on giving.

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Stacee Mandeville: And as you plant seeds of psychological safety emotional intelligence you model it as a manager because mostly you’re responsible for creating a team culture.

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Stacee Mandeville: And if you have to have a meeting with everybody and say hey I took an emotional intelligence class we’re going to experiment.

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Stacee Mandeville: With being nicer to each other and give them some guidelines make them feel a part of it, whatever it takes it will become easier and easier, but but building this Foundation is work.

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Stacee Mandeville: It is work another thing about employees who enjoy working from home or who have relatives who are immunocompromised etc, etc.

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Stacee Mandeville: When you do your your situation mind map.

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Stacee Mandeville: is part of it, a part of it is with some people, it might be a negotiation.

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Stacee Mandeville: Is there wiggle room is it, everyone must be back full time every day all the time, or do you have the kind of the kind of organization where.

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Stacee Mandeville: Somebody could do a three week three work week in the office and to at home or take friday’s off or half days would is there leeway for an employee who deserves it who’s worth it, who can handle it.

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Stacee Mandeville: And, and if there’s not there’s not but if there is be prepared to say look i’d love to work with you, blah blah blah.

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Stacee Mandeville: that’s all.

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Stacee Mandeville: Any other questions.

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Bridge Amanda: No have any other ones that have come in, it looks like we were able to answer all of those.

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Stacee Mandeville: Fantastic well, it is a couple minutes to the end so i’m going to do my wrap up if that’s okay with everybody.

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Stacee Mandeville: So today we talked about how how, when people are triggered and everyone is triggered all the time, it can cause problems.

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Stacee Mandeville: We have talked about using practical emotional intelligence and the Roadmap is learn to identify triggers develop coping mechanisms so that you can calm down before you talk to somebody.

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Stacee Mandeville: And so that you can help them calm down, if necessary, get logical activate that neocortex ask questions dig deep get into your head and care and prepare and emotional intelligence is the gift that keeps on giving.

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Stacee Mandeville: We did we did most of our questions during so i’m going to skip this.

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Stacee Mandeville: When you use practical emotional intelligence you minimize and manage stressful situations get insight into your employees perspective support their well being and ease their transition to our post coven world that is coming.

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Stacee Mandeville: next step for you is to start using these tools, as soon as possible today if you can.

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Stacee Mandeville: Where can I practice, can I just right after this course, can I sit down and do a physical check, am I triggered.

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Stacee Mandeville: I don’t know I just took a course and what my next 10 tense whoo talking about all those triggers made me upset write that down.

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Stacee Mandeville: begin with yourself begin with your family when your kids walk in you know if they’re upset you know if your spouse upset they walk in the door, and you go what’s wrong with you.

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Stacee Mandeville: They don’t even they don’t have to say anything use that, how do you know why can see the twitch in the eye, you know work on that start using these tools.

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Stacee Mandeville: If you are curious about leveraging your soft skills in any management situation, including the deeper workshops.

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Stacee Mandeville: Please reach out to me my email is here and set up a 30 minute complimentary strategy call to see if any coaching is right for you, which one how we would do it, etc.

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Stacee Mandeville: And, and then you can get 10% off your first workshop So that is my email and they’ll send it to you, of course.

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Stacee Mandeville: And thank you so much for listening, the most difficult part of any webinar or presentation is listening to it, so thank you for your attention i’m going to hand it back to Jackie for a final wrap up.

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MP: Perfect Thank you so much Stacy That was a fantastic webinar I really hope everyone came away with some actionable items.

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MP: I want to thank everyone again for attending this webinar, we hope that you learned a little little something and.

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MP: In addition to stacy’s emotional intelligence training, if you have been struggling with building a return to work plan and reworking your HR policies to stay in compliance and PS here to help.

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MP: If you would like to learn more about how MP can assist with this and more you can email us at marketing at m P dash hr.com or schedule a call with us, via the follow up email.

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MP: want to quickly remind everyone that a link to this recording will be sent out later in the afternoon with the slides and stacey’s offering contact information, we hope that you all stay healthy and have a great day, and we will see you next Thursday Thank you everyone.